half alive

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume 
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own 
I don't know if I'm home 
Or if I lost the way into your room 
I'm spiraling into my doom 
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day 
You and I will be free, 

To live and die by our own rules, 
Free.. 
Despite the fact that men are fools. 

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try 
And save me. 
It's okay that we're dying, 
But I need to survive tonight, tonight. 

Well excuse me while I get killed softly, 
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay 
At least 'til yesterday, 
You know you got me off my highest guard, 
Believe me when I say it's hard. 

And you touch my hand ever so slightly 
And the deadly look she cast upon me 
I won't regret, I won't regret.

And I was trying to disappear, 
But you got me wrapped around you 
I can hardly breathe without you 
I was trying to disappear 
But I got lost in your eyes now, 
You brought me down to size now.

I am sorry T_T

Sorry seems to be the hardest word, one of the most used word and one of the most abused, the first step for this word is accepting the fact that you did something wrong, so here it goes;

I'm sorry for hurting you.

I'm sorry for the tears you wasted for me

I'm sorry for not giving time 

I'm sorry that you learned to smoke and drink too much because of me.

I'm sorry for the year that you thought we are ok.

I'm sorry for wasting two years of your life with me

I'm sorry for not giving you gifts.

I'm sorry that Vodka lost her father.

I'm sorry that you almost died

I'm sorry for the times that you can't work

I'm sorry for replacing you.

I'm sorry for the text that I wasn't able to answer.

I'm sorry for the calls that I was the first to hang up.

I'm sorry for my family specially my mother.

I'm sorry for lying for me to go out.

I'm sorry that you trusted me.

I'm sorry for not loving you that much before.

I'm sorry for the house that was not built.

I'm sorry for the savings that I promised.

I'm sorry for the promise that I'll never leave you.

I'm sorry for Wave.

I'm sorry for our wedding.

I'm sorry for the sleepless nights.

I'm sorry that you have to lie for you to be with me.

I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me the most.

I'm sorry for the stress.

I'm sorry for not holding your hand.

I'm sorry if you did not enjoy EK because of me.

I'm sorry for not surprising you.

I'm sorry for still thinking of you

I'm sorry for still hoping we can be together again.

and I'm sorry that I still love you.

I know that giving you more time means a big chance of losing you, but if this is all it takes for you to be whole again, I'll be waiting. I can't promise that you can forget all the bad things that happened to us, all I can promise is I'll be spending my whole life showing how sorry I am. 

"I LOVE YOU, noon, ngayon pati na rin ung in between"

if only

"If only I can turn back time." gasgas na to e pero after 25 years of existence ngaun ko lang ata to maiintindihan ng sobra.

"Digital ang karma". Isa pa to, alam ko pero ngaun lang nya ko sinapak.

She loves me (weh?haha), I love her more but she's not yet ready, yan ang peg namen ngaun. Mahirap na masaya, masakit pero worth it, nkakapraning pero nakakaexcite, nkaka-stress pero nkaka-in-love, at kung ano ano pang description, dko man maexplain,isa lang ang alam ko..naguguluhan pa xa..

After all the mistakes that I did before, I can't blame her for being like this, mas matigas na ata xa ngaun sa bato e, mas mahirap i-please, ung tipong di na uubra ung pagpapa-cute. Kung date e bossy xa ngaun mala-hitler na, marame ng nagbago sknya aside sa fact na mas gumanda xa ngaun e in terms of ugali marame na tlg but one thing remains and remained for how many years...i'm still in love with her.

I can't say na masaya ko na ganito kame, oo masaya but I know mas sasaya pa ko kung magiging kame ulet, I need to prove something and I know time is the best gift that I can give her for now. I learn to appreciate small things because of this, wirdo man pero napapangiti na ko everytime she texts me with "po" or "opo" to it, when she replies to my texts, when she talks to me over the phone, when she answers my pm, ung pagbangga ng kamay ko sa kamay nya, ung maamoy ko xa, ung pagpatong ng kamay nya sa hita ko, paghiga nya sa balikat ko, ultimo ung pagtingin nya sken, ung mga ganon na date e normal lang para sken.

Ngaun ko lang narealize kung ano ung pinakawalan ko, kung pano ko sinaktan ung taong minahal ako ng abot langit, ngaun ko nararamdaman na maghabol at higit sa lahat ngaun ko nararamdaman ung sakit ng ginawa ko sknya, but I know kulang pa to, sobrang kulang pa..

Umabot man ng taon or ilang buwan or linggo or kahit sagutin mo man ako ngaun o bukas, eto lang msasabi ko sau, "Mahal kita, sobrang mahal kita, di na kita pakakawalan pa and I will marry you" .. if only you will give me this last chance :'(

I missed you

I missed your smile.
I missed your smell.
The way you look at me
and the way you look 
when you're not looking.

I missed how we talk for hours
thinking that the whole world is ours.
I missed how you hug me
and the kiss that excites me.

This might be the last or the start
but all I know is we still have the spark
I really missed how you dance
also your five second glance.

We might just be missing other 
or we still have feelings for one another
but I don't want this to stop
and never will I give up.

missed is in past and so did us 
MISSED because with the right time
where everything doesn't matter anymore
we will be forever together   
and you will never walk this in this life alone.